9+1 Awesome Perks of Being Married - Especially (But Not Solely) for Mormons.

I love being married. Can I just say? It's great.

Not only is being married superlatively rewarding, but being married and Mormon is even better. Our theology of the family is so robust, it takes an institution that has already been the backbone of most civilizations for millennia, and takes it to a whole new level. I have found that Paul was truly wise when he said in Hebrews (13:4) that “marriage is honorable in all.”

I want to share, then, a few of the things that I have personally lived over these last six-plus months of marriage that cause me to be happier every day that I made the decision to marry. I don't want this post to come across as a “my-life-is-better-than-yours” brag-fest, but rather, I want to help those who are anxious about or uninterested in marriage understand a little bit more of why I like it so much, and why I think you would enjoy it thoroughly as well.

Also, before you worry, I'm keeping this entire post family friendly. For what little that's worth nowadays.

Maybe your spouse's talent will be... throwing playing cards at a watermelon?
Actually, I just wanted an excuse to post this funny picture. 

1) You get to enjoy all your spouse's unique talents. Everyone has skills, talents, and abilities that they bring with them into the marriage. Some have a kind, sensitive listening ear. Others have a way with words to calm you down after a hard day's work. Others are musically or artistically gifted. Some are great cooks (Sam's specialty!) Some are athletic, wise beyond their years, intellectually talented, or any number of things. As a married couple, you will get to share these things with your dearly beloved, and always have first claim on your spouse's talents and gifts.

2) You get a confidant. One of the first things I noticed as I was going out with Samantha – and then again when we were married – is that I could come and talk with her about basically anything. Even those things that I was worried would make her love me less, didn't, when we handled it in the right way, together. That's something that I never had much of growing up, and it was a truly amazing experience. It's nice to have someone to talk with about things – anything – and to encourage you when things in your life get really tough. Finally, being married, and talking about things before you do them, can keep you from doing something really stupid.

3) Quality time with your spouse is therapeutic. I would argue that it's on par with meditation, although I obviously have no hard scientific information to back that one up. There's something intangible but very real about having someone that you can spend time with, be relaxed with, and do just about anything with, who you know isn't going anywhere. Speaking from experience, I can tell you it's even better than having a dog. (And less mess to clean up.)

Look at me and my bad self!

4) Your self confidence goes up. Since you know you have someone who will stick with you through thick and thin, you're not so worried about blowing everything up and having nothing. Since you talk about stuff you do before you do it, you know you're less likely to do something stupid. Since she (or he) is always telling you that your ideas are good (when they are, at least), you feel empowered to put them into action. Since you have someone to talk to if things don't turn out well, you're not as worried about the risks you take. Final result? Self-confidence goes through the roof.

5) You get to receive -and give - little kindnesses throughout the day. I can't say how awesome it was the first time my wife offered to make me lunch and bring it to me on campus because I had to run out the door that morning and didn't have time to make myself anything. (Or that one time she actually brought me dinner in the engineering building because I had to work on homework until that late in the evening.) Or all the “I love you”s throughout the day. And, you know what? I think that these kindnesses and courtesies are well within the reach of any couple that is willing to step outside itself and honestly try to court each other. At least, as long as the guy isn't a jerk.

6) You get awesome in-laws. Contrary to popular stereotypes, the in-laws can be one of the coolest things about a marriage. I get along great with her folks, and she gets along great with mine. Whenever I'm at her parents' house, I feel like one of the family, and whenever she's with my mom or my dad, everyone's charmed. It's like we both just doubled the size of our family! I think the trick to having good in-laws is to be respectful and courteous, and give them the benefit of the doubt as much as you can. After all, they were her (or his) family before you came along, and you're taking her (or him) away from them. Being grateful and courteous goes a long way to smoothing over a potentially bumpy transition.

7) You get to learn stuff together. You learn all sorts of things – both of a practical, and an intellectual nature. First, you will learn things together intellectually that will help you to develop like mindsets and similar ways of seeing the world. But what's more, you will learn practical wisdom as you confront trials together, and therefore you grow more than you ever could have on your own.

8) You will complement each other. You will inevitably find ways that your personalities, and your situations in life, complement each other. Careful not to let it become a point of contention. But if you make it work, it'll be a tremendous opportunity for you to learn what the world looks like from a different point of view, and grow better for it. In our case, our temperaments began somewhat different, with me being very mellow, and her being very high strung. Over the year-plus that we have known each other, I have mellowed her out to a degree, while she has helped me to stand my ground in situations where I would have been too mellow.

9) For all the stuff that marriage gives you, you will learn to be truly selfless. For perhaps the first time in your life, you will truly put someone else's welfare ahead of your own. The world we live in is full of “me-first” propaganda that all too often will hollow out our souls. But if we let it, marriage has the opportunity to soften us, refresh our souls, and truly change our outlook on life.

10) (Bonus for Mormons) Marriage doesn't end with this life. In Mormonism, we receive the promise that, if we try to be faithful to God and His commandments as best as we can, and are faithful to promises made in God's holy temples, we will have the opportunity to continue our marriage relationship in the life after this one. In a volume of modern scripture given to Mormons, the Doctrine and Covenants (132:19), the Lord reveals that “if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law... [that marriage shall be valid] in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world .” The love which we share in this world can endure forever, and can truly be a blessing for eternity.

Mormons make sacred promises, or covenants, in holy temples
 which allow them to be with their families after this life.

In a world that seems more and more emotionally immature, marriage isn't for the faint of heart. Blatant images and videos promote sexual “gratification” above “old-fashioned” virtues such as honesty, integrity, thrift, decency, and commitment. What's more, this denigration of healthy values feeds on itself; as divorce rates climb, and the statistics grow more sobering by the day, people convince themselves that the institution of marriage doesn't work. In reality it's not the institution that doesn't work, but the people who are trying to shortcut it.

Marriage requires a complete commitment (from both parties!) to make it work, a “burn-your-bridges,” “do-or-die-trying” type of mindset that is far too uncommon in today's society. Therefore, I don't recommend it if you're not ready to go all-in, or your intended spouse isn't. But if you do, and you can make it work, you may truly find that the words of God in the Doctrine and Covenants (49:15) were inspired, when He said, simply but powerfully, that “marriage is ordained of God unto man.”